I’ve sat and worked and watched the sky go from sunny and blue to a strange yellow-grey, and I know a storm is blowing in to little ol’ Bloomington. Weather-wise, it’s just part of living here. Emotion-wise, the storm has been blowing, and blowing hard, for awhile. The last week has been…to be frank…hell. I think I have succeeded in feeling every emotion known to man since last Tuesday. I have been sorrowful, angry, just plain upset, joyful, pessamistic, optimistic, worried, scared, unsure, lost, hopeful…basically everything on the little magnet on my fridge. It’s so hard to put into words what I feel.
I cannot understand how people could claim to be Christians and then say some of the things they said. There was a mean and hurtful note in the offering today. I know, because it is my job to count the offering. And the note made me angry to the point of, had there been a name, I would have called them up and called them out about their hypocritical attitude. You cannot claim to be a Christian and then be evil and vindictive while sitting in the freaking pew on Sunday morning! I am honestly to the point where i just want to say, you know what, if you don’t like something, LEAVE. No one is making you stay here and this church is not just about you and your 65 year old preferences.
Stuff like what has happened here in the last week makes me think about a speaker we had at the E-Conference the first (and only) year it happened. He is a minister at a huge church, Ginghamsburg, and basically took the old people in his congregation aside and said, “Would you rather hear the music you like or see your grandchildren come to know God?” It was such an amazing observation. And, they must have taken it to heart, because they church exploded with growth and is modern and amazing and doesn’t conform to the stereotype of what ‘church’ should be like.
I know, some will argue, this was not about style. And, they’re probably right, it wasn’t JUST about style, but don’t even try to tell me that didn’t play a part. The people that complain the loudest are the people that don’t like it when there is a beat, a drum, or a guitar onstage.
Between that, Phil V leaving, and just being worried and stressed about my church, my job, and my future, I am exhausted. Maybe that’s why I haven’t felt rested. I don’t know. Suddenly even the things I thought were secure I’m afraid of losing.
I will try and have a less bitter, more upbeat post in the near future.
In the meantime, please pray for my church, for the Phil C and Phil V family, for the leadership here, and for my own peace. We here at SOCC can use all the prayers we can get right now.