There is a lot in scripture that I have a hard time following. I do my best, but there is a lot in there that fail at on a fairly regular basis. Perhaps the hardest one for me, though is Matthew 6:34:
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
If there is anything I’m really good at, it’s worry about tomorrow…and the tomorrow after that…and the tomorrow after that. Heck, given enough time, I could easily worry about where we will spend the holidays next year – and they just ended. I am good at worrying. No, I am great at worrying. I can worry myself sick in record time, and I am smarter than that. I know worrying does nothing, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. I think a lot of it has to do with control. I like lists and knowing what is going to happen. I’m not a huge fan of surprises or not knowing the next part of the story. Sometimes I surprise myself that I enjoy reading mysteries as much as I do, because it goes against every single thing in me.
So, anyway, back to the issue at hand. Apparently 2011 is the year of the introspective Emily, or at least the first week of January is turning into that. I keep thinking of all the things I want to improve on this year, but, for the first time in a long time, there isn’t a lot that seems overwhelming. I know I can’t change who I am instantly. I can’t suddenly stop worrying about tomorrow, because that isn’t an honest way to change. But, I can stop myself when I start to worry and instead focus just on today.
Adding to my list of goals and ‘mantras’ for 2011: WORRY changes nothing. The only thing I can control is my reaction to my circumstances. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t plan or think about the future, but worrying about what could be won’t do any good, and it could mean that I miss out on the blessings of today because I’m already trying to live in a hypothetical tomorrow.