Weighed Down

I have been weighed down, quite literally, by my weight for several years. Those of you that know me and have read my blog know that this is not the first time I’ve dealt with this issue or the first time I have started a diet…but here I am again…back on weight watchers. For the first time since I did weight watchers back in 2002/2003, I feel like I am on track. I am trying hard, counting my points, and doing my best to get my water in. I am working out and trying to be positive.

However, something else that isn’t a surprise to anyone is that it is hard. I know I didn’t get to be overweight overnight, and I know it will take a long time to get to the point where I am not overweight again, but wow…I am tired of the slow loss of weight.

And, for some reason, this time around I am much more emotional about the whole process. I wish I could pinpoint why that is, but I can’t. I don’t know why little setbacks reduce me to tears in the weight watchers bathroom or why I feel like I just. can’t. do. it. I don’t know why I get so down on myself and so negative toward my little successes. I don’t know why I feel so guilty with every bite I take, no matter if it’s a slice of pizza or a piece of banana. I don’ t know why I am ashamed and frustrated all at the same time.

I just know that this process is not going to be easy. that’s why I wrote about it here today. Not get sympathy or to try and justify my strange moodiness, but because this is where I write about my life. And right now my life is about this.